Beneath The Surface
By Andy Morris
Making up with Jen was the reason they’d driven out to Cadman’s Pool in the middle of the night. It was a kind of peace offering Lewis had made to help Jen get some pictures for her photography competition. The theme of the competition was ‘mysterious spaces’ and Cadman’s Pool would be perfect with tonight’s full moon. Jen had gone off around the lake to take some photographs while Lewis remained in his stylish blue Subaru WRX watching her through narrowed eyes. He hated feeling like this and he slowly let out a deep breath he’d been holding in. His knuckles had turned white where they gripped the steering wheel and his arms were tense and stiff. The furious knot of frustration seethed in his stomach like a nest of snakes as he continued to breathe deeply. This wasn’t who he was. He was always chilled and laid-back – that’s how everyone knew him and he didn’t want anyone, especially Jen, to see this messy emotional side of him.
How he wished he’d just kept his mouth shut earlier because then Jen wouldn’t have had a go at him and he wouldn’t be sat here trying to control his pent-up frustration. His mind replayed the stupid incident again in his head for the umpteenth time: One minute he and Jen were fine; happily heading out for a midnight walk in the brilliantly clear moonlight. Then he’d stupidly mentioned her ghastly sister; Kelly. Or K.K.as she liked to be called. It was just a light-hearted dig but it got Jen into one of her overly-theatrical moods. She could never accept that he didn’t like K.K. and Jen would always take her side or make allowances for her. Then she would get all defensive and angry towards him! Jen’s words of complaint and accusation were a regular occurrence these days and he could handle that, to a degree. But what he couldn’t handle was that grating, high-pitched nagging tone that she took on whenever she was annoyed with him. What caused him the most problems, he’d found, was the fact that he couldn’t do much about it. He knew how stupid it was but he couldn’t say anything to Jen. It wasn’t him. Instead; he just kept up the cool calm persona that nothing ever bothered him. Only, it did bother him and it was getting harder and harder to keep it buried inside. He smacked the steering wheel hard with the flat of his hand again. It felt good. These clashes with Jen erupted so often these days and the time between the incident starting and him getting to this blindingly angry state was getting shorter all the time. She was driving him mad!
In the past, she’d squawk at him for something or other. He’d feel annoyed, maybe stew on it for a day or so but then they’d move on and he’d forget about it. Those days were gone now. Now, the slightest hint that she was annoyed with him drove him straight into this fuming state. His temper accelerated from 0-60 like the Ferrari 488 GTB. Almost immediately he’d feel the snarling rage and want to rip her head off. He wanted to shout obscenities at her stupid face. He’d want to kick and tear and stamp… But he always held back. He was always composed and in control and that’s what everyone liked about him.
Jen didn’t know what was happening underneath with his coiling temper, although he did sometimes wonder whether she did suspect something because she would lecture him about not bottling things up. She’d often nag him about being more open: ‘You should express himself more’, she’d complain, “instead of just hiding inside a car magazine when you get upset’. Maybe she was right? Nevertheless, the earlier anger was now slithering into guilt, with the serpent now unwinding around his insides. Lewis hadn’t wanted to come out here but now here he was so he might as well have a look around. He adjusted his white baseball cap and zipped up his puffer jacket while letting out a final deep breath he’d been holding in. Then, sighing heavily he climbed out of his pride and joy on his weak and emotionally wobbly legs.
It was a crisp October night. There were no clouds overhead and the heavens were scatted with tiny twinkling stars. The moon tonight was huge and bright. It hung low in the sky shining its pale light over the whole area and giving it the illusion of daytime but Lewis was still too worked up to appreciate it. He plodded past the wooden posts that marked the edge of the carpark and carefully shuffled his way down the gravel slope to the edge of the lake. The lake had been dug in the 1960s, Jen had explained earlier, by Arthur Cadman who was the deputy surveyor of the New Forest. She was full of useless information, Lewis decided as he joined her to gaze out over the water. As he did so he checked the bulges in his pockets – his phone; his wallet; his keys; and his new, secret accessory that Jen knew nothing about.
“It’s beautiful here” his girlfriend murmured dreamily interrupting his thoughts.
“Yeah” he replied impassively.
“The water is so clear tonight” Jen observed. “You can actually see the bottom of the lake.” It was strange, Lewis acknowledged to himself. Lakes round her were never usually this clear. The surface almost glowed in the silvery moonlight. It was quite mesmerising and Lewis found himself staring. The scene was intriguing, the water; beguiling and almost hypnotic. He took a step closer without really noticing. This was a nice fishing spot, as well. It was one of only three ponds in the forest where you are allowed fish. Just a few meters in front of him was the first of the two small islands lake. Ducks, geese, finches and various other new forest birds nested there free from human activity. How he’d love to be out there; it would be bliss and he wouldn’t have to deal with Jen or that godawful K.K!
“Look” Jen turned to him in that certain way she did and Lewis felt the familiar sinking feeling take hold again. He knew what was coming.
“I don’t want an argument” Jen began. “So, I’ll only ask my sister to come and stay if you’re happy with it. If you don’t want her round then that’s fine. It’s up to you.”
Lewis felt the serpent twist once again in his stomach and even as his mind scrambled for objections he heard himself saying as if from a very long way away. “Yeah, that’s fine. I really don’t mind her coming over.” He hated himself and immediately the serpent knotted itself tighter in his stomach again. He felt his face burn red with unexpressed disappointment and he quickly turned away. He was such an idiot! Why had he said that? He didn’t want to upset her, that’s why. He didn’t want another stupid argument because he just couldn’t go through all this again. Any more of her whining tone and he might explode and then what would happen? K.K. would end up coming over to see Jen anyway. So, one way or another, she was going to stay and there was nothing Lewis could do about it. He suppressed a scream of frustration that was swelling in his chest, expanding with his rage at his own inadequacy. His fingernails bit painfully into the palms of his hands. He wanted to punch someone, anyone, hard in the face! At that moment, he craved violence and wished he could stab or slash something, someone! He’d love to… Lewis felt Jen’s eyes on him again, so he turned around and gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile to indicate everything was fine.
Cool and calm, that’s what he needed to be right now, despite that damn K.K. No, her name was Kelly! Stupid, irritating, Kelly!
“It’ll be fine, you’ll see” Jen sounded cheerful but the inflexion in her voice made it clear that this discussion was over and his opportunity to object was gone. “Now hang on I’m going to get my other camera” Jen patted his shoulder as she hurried back to his car. He’d left it unlocked, which was not like him at all. Fortunately, there was no one else around at this hour and his Subaru was all alone in the car park.
As the crunch of her trainers faded away Lewis sighed heavily, pressing the knuckles of his fists into his eyes until bright stars burst and it became painful. Jen emerged from the car with her camera, slamming the door closed. She’d slammed it on purpose because she knew it wound him up! Lewis tensed but bit his tongue before he said anything stupid again but it didn’t stop the ice-cold serpent coiling ever tighter around his insides. The echo of faded away and once again the deep and secretive silence cast by the brilliant Luna glow returned to Cadman’s Pool.
He had to get away and turned, loping off around the other side of the lake away from Jen. All the while silently snarling at her and cursing under his breath. He desperately wanted to find a way to bring an end to his rage. Then stopped to look at the moon reflected in the pool. It really was unusually bright and it seemed to call out to him from the water. It was almost as if it was Lewis felt attracting him, drawing him closer. It wasn’t like the pull that drew him towards local Porsche showroom in West Parley, where he could spend hours staring longingly at the new cars. No, this was more tangible, like a physical force luring him in. A sudden urge to wade into the water bubbled up inside him but he ignored it. Instead, his hand fell to his pocket feeling his wallet and the other object he now kept there; the one he hadn’t told anyone else about. He’d found himself carrying it with him all the time now. Keeping it close to hand helped him feel calm. It was like it made him safe and helped to keep his stress under control.
He was cool and calm.
Lewis was the most laid-back person anyone knew, although the images currently tearing through his mind suggested otherwise. The more his frustration built the more he found himself thinking about the razor-sharp knife safely hidden away in his pocket. He didn’t want to hurt anyone but he sometimes wondered if it might be necessary; if someone pushed him that far…? No, he scolded himself. Shut up and be cool you little twat, okay?He didn’t like where his thoughts were taking him so he stepped closer to the water’s edge and tried to distract himself with his deep breathing again: Ten seconds in and twenty seconds out. Breathe in for ten, breathe out for twenty. The water was still and calm and that’s what he wanted to be. He focused on the image of the moon again.
Jen had been prattling on about the moon in the car. The full moon could have a strange effect on people, she’d explained. There was some research about nurses and police noticing more activity on nights when there was a full moon than at other times. There were also legends that suggested the moon could reveal what was hidden from the normal world and it was this that was the inspiration for her pictures tonight. She wanted to capture the sense of otherworldliness that the full moon could evoke. She’d imparted more useless information about how people used to believe that when a full moon shines on certain lakes it reveals a magical path that leads down to enchanted faery kingdoms. He could hear her marching off around the other side of the lake away from the carpark. Even the sound of her walking irritated him now. Her clomping footsteps were punctuated with the odd burst of clicks and flashes as she enthusiastically snapped away with that stupid camera of hers.
His hand was in his pocket again gripping his knife tightly when he considered the odd expression on the face of his reflection. Was that how he looked tonight? They should never have left the house. Lewis frowned and his reflection did likewise. He let go of the knife and thrust both hands into the pockets of his jacket and casually and rocked back on his heels with a pretend-cheerful shrug of his shoulders. After taking another deep breath he felt himself returning to the old Lewis. His reflection now looked like it didn’t have a care in the world either and the churning fury in the pit of his stomach was a just a bad dream.
Cool and calm again, that’s what Lewis was all about.
His reflection rocked back and forth as well but it still didn’t quite look right. It still seemed more tense than chilled. Everything seemed different tonight. He’d not really noticed it earlier but it was becoming more apparent now as he looked down at his near-perfect reflection. The water was so clear that he could be looking at another person down there. He could see the lines around his eyes. He could even see the stitching on his baseball cap. The clarity of the reflection was almost supernatural in its shine. Lewis crouched down for a closer examination while absentmindedly shuffling closer to the water. A part of him thought he shouldn’t get too close for some reason, but that was just the stress talking and he needed to expel that negativity. He continued to regard his image while he considered what he had planned for tomorrow.
It was Sunday so after he cleaned off the dust off his Subaru from tonight’s outing he and Jen would be off to Bournemouth shopping. If K.K. – he really hated that name – wanted a lift as well she could just piss off! In fact, he’d rather run her over than have her inside his car. He embraced the darkness, relishing the thought of putting his foot down and imagining the bump as she hit the bonnet; seeing her fly up cracking the windscreen. Then he stopped himself. That was horrible! That’s not who he was and he tried to push the idea down. Then again… A smile creased his lips. Lewis was still grinning at himself in the water when something happened to make his smile fall away. It was impossible, but; he just saw his reflection blink. Did that just happen?Lewis was startled. You can’t see yourself blinking in a mirror, he’d tried it before. It must have been a ripple in the water, or probably just a fish swimming by. Just to make sure he blinked on purpose but this time he didn’t see his reflection move. He lifted a hand, waved it slightly and his reflection did the same. That was how it should be.
Another flash of light burst at the corner of his eye as Jen took another picture. God, he needed a break! He just needed to get away from everything. This was ridiculous; he was 25 years old and Jen shouldn’t be making him feel so stressed all the time. Still, what could he do? He turned his back on her and looked around the lake. His eyes lingering again on the perfect moon in the water. It looked glorious and so realistic that he could probably just walk over and touch it. That wasn’t right though. There was something amiss out here and Lewis was just starting to become aware of it. He felt very self-conscious as if he was being watched. There was no one else here so it must be the stress from earlier. He pushed the feelings down and ignored them as he waved his hand again, watching the watery Lewis in the lake do the same. Then he noticed the toes of his trainers were now in the water. Damn it.Why had he got so close, he grumbled. He went to shuffle back when he became aware of the tightness now gripping his throat. It was a familiar a pressure that was usually associated with nervousness or an imminent falling-out with his girlfriend. Why was he still so worked up? It’s still that bloody K.K., he immediately answered his own question. It’s late and I’m tired, Lewis told himself irritably. It was time to go. He glanced back to his Subaru. It was still there waiting for him, like a loyal friend who would never let him down.
“You ready yet Jen. It’s getting late” he called as casually as he could, hoping his voice didn’t betray this stupid anxiety.
“Not yet. Go and wait in the car if you’re cold”.
Go and wait in the car, yeah right! In his stomach he felt the growing disquiet beneath the surface twist and tighten again, squeezing him harder than ever. Jen was just laughing at him now. She was openly making fun of him. This was all a game to her. The earlier thought that he’d pushed away resurfaced in an instant. His hand dropped to his pocket and he pulled out the blade, not realising he’d taken another step into the lake and now the soles of his trainers were fully submerged in the water. Jen would take her time finishing up. Again! Why couldn’t she just hurry up? Lewis grated his teeth impatiently while fingering the razor-sharp edge of the steel. She took ages to get ready when she was going out as well and when they did eventually set off he’d have to put his foot down in the car. Then she’d whine about his driving; telling him to drive more sensibly. Jen needed to learn that whenever someone told him to be sensible or more careful, he felt compelled to do the opposite. When she told him to slow down in his car, he instinctively sped up a little more. He liked the excitement and danger that life had to offer. That was just him. It’s who I am, he assured himself as his thoughts suddenly took a darker turn – Maybe Jen would realise that tonight. She needed to learn not to treat him like an idiot. She needed to respect him andhis car.
His reflection was grinning up at him now urging him on. The knife reflected brightly in the water as he crouched down and stared hard at his reflection. He pulled a face, rehearsing his intimidating glare. His reflection did likewise and Lewis felt satisfied. He reached out a hand and felt something tingle in his stomach; a brief lurch of adrenalin. His finger hovered over the surface of the water for a moment. The air was suddenly tense. Don’t touch the water.A voice screamed at the back of his mind. A warning siren rang in his mind and realised it had been ringing for some time. He should go to his car, away from the water. It was ridiculous though, he could see the bottom of the lake and there were no predators lurking beneath. No steps to a magical fairy kingdom either. Right, he decided; time to end this bollocks with Jen. See you, dude. He put his hand out as if giving his reflection a high five. The water felt cold and solid, like glass. His fingertip had touched the surface of the lake and just for a moment, there was a mental click, a spark of electricity in a closed circuit creating a wave of vertigo as he stood up. As he got to his feet he noticed that the urge to leave had vanished. Everything was suddenly still and quiet once again, although nothing had changed that he could see: The island was still peaceful and serene; Cadman’s Pool was just a big pond and his beloved Subaru was still fine in the carpark behind him. Overhead the full-moon still shone on his reflection. Only now as he looked at it he saw that his reflection hadchanged. This wasn’t right. He looked to at the watery image and saw his head cock to the side in a gesture of curious fascination. Lewis was confused and quickly became unnerved: Unnerved because he hadn’t moved his head at all. His reflection stared at him now as if it were a separate person – as if it was someone else standing there looking at him. Lewis scrambled backwards away from the lake and this time his reflection didn’t move at all. Lewis’ hands scrunched on the gravel slope behind him. Everything around him seemed to have frozen and the atmosphere felt heavy. The silence had intensified and became physical; almost suffocating. He looked to the left where Jen had been and gasped as his eyes met nothing but cloudy murky water all around him. His head spun to the right and it was the same dull vista illuminated by a shaft of pale ghostly moonlight. The only direction he could see clearly was directly in front of him. It was like he was underwater but even the water was different. No longer was it clear and bright. It was now dull and cloudy. The lake had returned to its muddy shade and it was all around him – on either side of him, below him and above him. Lewis let go of his knife and tried to get to his feet, kicking silently at the floor. As he did so he noticed his reflection was now gloating down at him with a look of triumph etched on his face. Lewis couldn’t stand up. He reached out to the surface but for some reason, he couldn't touch it. He clawed at the water but his movements were sluggish as if he was moving in slow-motion. Or if he was underwater! He remained exactly where he was, suspended in the lake. Something had happened when he touched the water! Lewis didn’t have time to dwell on this as he realised he wasn’t breathing. He was drowning? No; he wasn’t drowning but he wasn’t breathing either. In the mass confusion flooding his mind, he expected to feel the serpent feeding off his anxiety and squeezing tighter around his stomach. Then he realised with deepening horror that his stomach – his actual physical stomach – was no longer there either. He could see right through his torso to the shadowy floor of the lake. His legs shimmered and rippled in the watery moonlight. He lifted his shaking hands to his face but they were also transparent and he could see through them to the figure on the shore. Panic came roaring toward him and he shouted and screamed but he made no sound. Lewis kicked and thrashed about in a slow-motion dance of hysteria but his efforts had no effect on the surface of the lake. All around him the water remained still as if he wasn’t even there. He screamed; shouting and swearing but still, no sound would escape the lake. He could see Jen now standing next to him – the otherhim at the water’s edge. They took a last look out towards the islands and turned around to head back to his Subaru. Lewis could do nothing as he watched himselfand his girlfriend leaving. From the point of view of someone standing on the shore Cadman’s Pool hadn’t changed. It remained as cool and calm as always with no hint of the struggle taking place just beneath the surface.
How he wished he’d just kept his mouth shut earlier because then Jen wouldn’t have had a go at him and he wouldn’t be sat here trying to control his pent-up frustration. His mind replayed the stupid incident again in his head for the umpteenth time: One minute he and Jen were fine; happily heading out for a midnight walk in the brilliantly clear moonlight. Then he’d stupidly mentioned her ghastly sister; Kelly. Or K.K.as she liked to be called. It was just a light-hearted dig but it got Jen into one of her overly-theatrical moods. She could never accept that he didn’t like K.K. and Jen would always take her side or make allowances for her. Then she would get all defensive and angry towards him! Jen’s words of complaint and accusation were a regular occurrence these days and he could handle that, to a degree. But what he couldn’t handle was that grating, high-pitched nagging tone that she took on whenever she was annoyed with him. What caused him the most problems, he’d found, was the fact that he couldn’t do much about it. He knew how stupid it was but he couldn’t say anything to Jen. It wasn’t him. Instead; he just kept up the cool calm persona that nothing ever bothered him. Only, it did bother him and it was getting harder and harder to keep it buried inside. He smacked the steering wheel hard with the flat of his hand again. It felt good. These clashes with Jen erupted so often these days and the time between the incident starting and him getting to this blindingly angry state was getting shorter all the time. She was driving him mad!
In the past, she’d squawk at him for something or other. He’d feel annoyed, maybe stew on it for a day or so but then they’d move on and he’d forget about it. Those days were gone now. Now, the slightest hint that she was annoyed with him drove him straight into this fuming state. His temper accelerated from 0-60 like the Ferrari 488 GTB. Almost immediately he’d feel the snarling rage and want to rip her head off. He wanted to shout obscenities at her stupid face. He’d want to kick and tear and stamp… But he always held back. He was always composed and in control and that’s what everyone liked about him.
Jen didn’t know what was happening underneath with his coiling temper, although he did sometimes wonder whether she did suspect something because she would lecture him about not bottling things up. She’d often nag him about being more open: ‘You should express himself more’, she’d complain, “instead of just hiding inside a car magazine when you get upset’. Maybe she was right? Nevertheless, the earlier anger was now slithering into guilt, with the serpent now unwinding around his insides. Lewis hadn’t wanted to come out here but now here he was so he might as well have a look around. He adjusted his white baseball cap and zipped up his puffer jacket while letting out a final deep breath he’d been holding in. Then, sighing heavily he climbed out of his pride and joy on his weak and emotionally wobbly legs.
It was a crisp October night. There were no clouds overhead and the heavens were scatted with tiny twinkling stars. The moon tonight was huge and bright. It hung low in the sky shining its pale light over the whole area and giving it the illusion of daytime but Lewis was still too worked up to appreciate it. He plodded past the wooden posts that marked the edge of the carpark and carefully shuffled his way down the gravel slope to the edge of the lake. The lake had been dug in the 1960s, Jen had explained earlier, by Arthur Cadman who was the deputy surveyor of the New Forest. She was full of useless information, Lewis decided as he joined her to gaze out over the water. As he did so he checked the bulges in his pockets – his phone; his wallet; his keys; and his new, secret accessory that Jen knew nothing about.
“It’s beautiful here” his girlfriend murmured dreamily interrupting his thoughts.
“Yeah” he replied impassively.
“The water is so clear tonight” Jen observed. “You can actually see the bottom of the lake.” It was strange, Lewis acknowledged to himself. Lakes round her were never usually this clear. The surface almost glowed in the silvery moonlight. It was quite mesmerising and Lewis found himself staring. The scene was intriguing, the water; beguiling and almost hypnotic. He took a step closer without really noticing. This was a nice fishing spot, as well. It was one of only three ponds in the forest where you are allowed fish. Just a few meters in front of him was the first of the two small islands lake. Ducks, geese, finches and various other new forest birds nested there free from human activity. How he’d love to be out there; it would be bliss and he wouldn’t have to deal with Jen or that godawful K.K!
“Look” Jen turned to him in that certain way she did and Lewis felt the familiar sinking feeling take hold again. He knew what was coming.
“I don’t want an argument” Jen began. “So, I’ll only ask my sister to come and stay if you’re happy with it. If you don’t want her round then that’s fine. It’s up to you.”
Lewis felt the serpent twist once again in his stomach and even as his mind scrambled for objections he heard himself saying as if from a very long way away. “Yeah, that’s fine. I really don’t mind her coming over.” He hated himself and immediately the serpent knotted itself tighter in his stomach again. He felt his face burn red with unexpressed disappointment and he quickly turned away. He was such an idiot! Why had he said that? He didn’t want to upset her, that’s why. He didn’t want another stupid argument because he just couldn’t go through all this again. Any more of her whining tone and he might explode and then what would happen? K.K. would end up coming over to see Jen anyway. So, one way or another, she was going to stay and there was nothing Lewis could do about it. He suppressed a scream of frustration that was swelling in his chest, expanding with his rage at his own inadequacy. His fingernails bit painfully into the palms of his hands. He wanted to punch someone, anyone, hard in the face! At that moment, he craved violence and wished he could stab or slash something, someone! He’d love to… Lewis felt Jen’s eyes on him again, so he turned around and gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile to indicate everything was fine.
Cool and calm, that’s what he needed to be right now, despite that damn K.K. No, her name was Kelly! Stupid, irritating, Kelly!
“It’ll be fine, you’ll see” Jen sounded cheerful but the inflexion in her voice made it clear that this discussion was over and his opportunity to object was gone. “Now hang on I’m going to get my other camera” Jen patted his shoulder as she hurried back to his car. He’d left it unlocked, which was not like him at all. Fortunately, there was no one else around at this hour and his Subaru was all alone in the car park.
As the crunch of her trainers faded away Lewis sighed heavily, pressing the knuckles of his fists into his eyes until bright stars burst and it became painful. Jen emerged from the car with her camera, slamming the door closed. She’d slammed it on purpose because she knew it wound him up! Lewis tensed but bit his tongue before he said anything stupid again but it didn’t stop the ice-cold serpent coiling ever tighter around his insides. The echo of faded away and once again the deep and secretive silence cast by the brilliant Luna glow returned to Cadman’s Pool.
He had to get away and turned, loping off around the other side of the lake away from Jen. All the while silently snarling at her and cursing under his breath. He desperately wanted to find a way to bring an end to his rage. Then stopped to look at the moon reflected in the pool. It really was unusually bright and it seemed to call out to him from the water. It was almost as if it was Lewis felt attracting him, drawing him closer. It wasn’t like the pull that drew him towards local Porsche showroom in West Parley, where he could spend hours staring longingly at the new cars. No, this was more tangible, like a physical force luring him in. A sudden urge to wade into the water bubbled up inside him but he ignored it. Instead, his hand fell to his pocket feeling his wallet and the other object he now kept there; the one he hadn’t told anyone else about. He’d found himself carrying it with him all the time now. Keeping it close to hand helped him feel calm. It was like it made him safe and helped to keep his stress under control.
He was cool and calm.
Lewis was the most laid-back person anyone knew, although the images currently tearing through his mind suggested otherwise. The more his frustration built the more he found himself thinking about the razor-sharp knife safely hidden away in his pocket. He didn’t want to hurt anyone but he sometimes wondered if it might be necessary; if someone pushed him that far…? No, he scolded himself. Shut up and be cool you little twat, okay?He didn’t like where his thoughts were taking him so he stepped closer to the water’s edge and tried to distract himself with his deep breathing again: Ten seconds in and twenty seconds out. Breathe in for ten, breathe out for twenty. The water was still and calm and that’s what he wanted to be. He focused on the image of the moon again.
Jen had been prattling on about the moon in the car. The full moon could have a strange effect on people, she’d explained. There was some research about nurses and police noticing more activity on nights when there was a full moon than at other times. There were also legends that suggested the moon could reveal what was hidden from the normal world and it was this that was the inspiration for her pictures tonight. She wanted to capture the sense of otherworldliness that the full moon could evoke. She’d imparted more useless information about how people used to believe that when a full moon shines on certain lakes it reveals a magical path that leads down to enchanted faery kingdoms. He could hear her marching off around the other side of the lake away from the carpark. Even the sound of her walking irritated him now. Her clomping footsteps were punctuated with the odd burst of clicks and flashes as she enthusiastically snapped away with that stupid camera of hers.
His hand was in his pocket again gripping his knife tightly when he considered the odd expression on the face of his reflection. Was that how he looked tonight? They should never have left the house. Lewis frowned and his reflection did likewise. He let go of the knife and thrust both hands into the pockets of his jacket and casually and rocked back on his heels with a pretend-cheerful shrug of his shoulders. After taking another deep breath he felt himself returning to the old Lewis. His reflection now looked like it didn’t have a care in the world either and the churning fury in the pit of his stomach was a just a bad dream.
Cool and calm again, that’s what Lewis was all about.
His reflection rocked back and forth as well but it still didn’t quite look right. It still seemed more tense than chilled. Everything seemed different tonight. He’d not really noticed it earlier but it was becoming more apparent now as he looked down at his near-perfect reflection. The water was so clear that he could be looking at another person down there. He could see the lines around his eyes. He could even see the stitching on his baseball cap. The clarity of the reflection was almost supernatural in its shine. Lewis crouched down for a closer examination while absentmindedly shuffling closer to the water. A part of him thought he shouldn’t get too close for some reason, but that was just the stress talking and he needed to expel that negativity. He continued to regard his image while he considered what he had planned for tomorrow.
It was Sunday so after he cleaned off the dust off his Subaru from tonight’s outing he and Jen would be off to Bournemouth shopping. If K.K. – he really hated that name – wanted a lift as well she could just piss off! In fact, he’d rather run her over than have her inside his car. He embraced the darkness, relishing the thought of putting his foot down and imagining the bump as she hit the bonnet; seeing her fly up cracking the windscreen. Then he stopped himself. That was horrible! That’s not who he was and he tried to push the idea down. Then again… A smile creased his lips. Lewis was still grinning at himself in the water when something happened to make his smile fall away. It was impossible, but; he just saw his reflection blink. Did that just happen?Lewis was startled. You can’t see yourself blinking in a mirror, he’d tried it before. It must have been a ripple in the water, or probably just a fish swimming by. Just to make sure he blinked on purpose but this time he didn’t see his reflection move. He lifted a hand, waved it slightly and his reflection did the same. That was how it should be.
Another flash of light burst at the corner of his eye as Jen took another picture. God, he needed a break! He just needed to get away from everything. This was ridiculous; he was 25 years old and Jen shouldn’t be making him feel so stressed all the time. Still, what could he do? He turned his back on her and looked around the lake. His eyes lingering again on the perfect moon in the water. It looked glorious and so realistic that he could probably just walk over and touch it. That wasn’t right though. There was something amiss out here and Lewis was just starting to become aware of it. He felt very self-conscious as if he was being watched. There was no one else here so it must be the stress from earlier. He pushed the feelings down and ignored them as he waved his hand again, watching the watery Lewis in the lake do the same. Then he noticed the toes of his trainers were now in the water. Damn it.Why had he got so close, he grumbled. He went to shuffle back when he became aware of the tightness now gripping his throat. It was a familiar a pressure that was usually associated with nervousness or an imminent falling-out with his girlfriend. Why was he still so worked up? It’s still that bloody K.K., he immediately answered his own question. It’s late and I’m tired, Lewis told himself irritably. It was time to go. He glanced back to his Subaru. It was still there waiting for him, like a loyal friend who would never let him down.
“You ready yet Jen. It’s getting late” he called as casually as he could, hoping his voice didn’t betray this stupid anxiety.
“Not yet. Go and wait in the car if you’re cold”.
Go and wait in the car, yeah right! In his stomach he felt the growing disquiet beneath the surface twist and tighten again, squeezing him harder than ever. Jen was just laughing at him now. She was openly making fun of him. This was all a game to her. The earlier thought that he’d pushed away resurfaced in an instant. His hand dropped to his pocket and he pulled out the blade, not realising he’d taken another step into the lake and now the soles of his trainers were fully submerged in the water. Jen would take her time finishing up. Again! Why couldn’t she just hurry up? Lewis grated his teeth impatiently while fingering the razor-sharp edge of the steel. She took ages to get ready when she was going out as well and when they did eventually set off he’d have to put his foot down in the car. Then she’d whine about his driving; telling him to drive more sensibly. Jen needed to learn that whenever someone told him to be sensible or more careful, he felt compelled to do the opposite. When she told him to slow down in his car, he instinctively sped up a little more. He liked the excitement and danger that life had to offer. That was just him. It’s who I am, he assured himself as his thoughts suddenly took a darker turn – Maybe Jen would realise that tonight. She needed to learn not to treat him like an idiot. She needed to respect him andhis car.
His reflection was grinning up at him now urging him on. The knife reflected brightly in the water as he crouched down and stared hard at his reflection. He pulled a face, rehearsing his intimidating glare. His reflection did likewise and Lewis felt satisfied. He reached out a hand and felt something tingle in his stomach; a brief lurch of adrenalin. His finger hovered over the surface of the water for a moment. The air was suddenly tense. Don’t touch the water.A voice screamed at the back of his mind. A warning siren rang in his mind and realised it had been ringing for some time. He should go to his car, away from the water. It was ridiculous though, he could see the bottom of the lake and there were no predators lurking beneath. No steps to a magical fairy kingdom either. Right, he decided; time to end this bollocks with Jen. See you, dude. He put his hand out as if giving his reflection a high five. The water felt cold and solid, like glass. His fingertip had touched the surface of the lake and just for a moment, there was a mental click, a spark of electricity in a closed circuit creating a wave of vertigo as he stood up. As he got to his feet he noticed that the urge to leave had vanished. Everything was suddenly still and quiet once again, although nothing had changed that he could see: The island was still peaceful and serene; Cadman’s Pool was just a big pond and his beloved Subaru was still fine in the carpark behind him. Overhead the full-moon still shone on his reflection. Only now as he looked at it he saw that his reflection hadchanged. This wasn’t right. He looked to at the watery image and saw his head cock to the side in a gesture of curious fascination. Lewis was confused and quickly became unnerved: Unnerved because he hadn’t moved his head at all. His reflection stared at him now as if it were a separate person – as if it was someone else standing there looking at him. Lewis scrambled backwards away from the lake and this time his reflection didn’t move at all. Lewis’ hands scrunched on the gravel slope behind him. Everything around him seemed to have frozen and the atmosphere felt heavy. The silence had intensified and became physical; almost suffocating. He looked to the left where Jen had been and gasped as his eyes met nothing but cloudy murky water all around him. His head spun to the right and it was the same dull vista illuminated by a shaft of pale ghostly moonlight. The only direction he could see clearly was directly in front of him. It was like he was underwater but even the water was different. No longer was it clear and bright. It was now dull and cloudy. The lake had returned to its muddy shade and it was all around him – on either side of him, below him and above him. Lewis let go of his knife and tried to get to his feet, kicking silently at the floor. As he did so he noticed his reflection was now gloating down at him with a look of triumph etched on his face. Lewis couldn’t stand up. He reached out to the surface but for some reason, he couldn't touch it. He clawed at the water but his movements were sluggish as if he was moving in slow-motion. Or if he was underwater! He remained exactly where he was, suspended in the lake. Something had happened when he touched the water! Lewis didn’t have time to dwell on this as he realised he wasn’t breathing. He was drowning? No; he wasn’t drowning but he wasn’t breathing either. In the mass confusion flooding his mind, he expected to feel the serpent feeding off his anxiety and squeezing tighter around his stomach. Then he realised with deepening horror that his stomach – his actual physical stomach – was no longer there either. He could see right through his torso to the shadowy floor of the lake. His legs shimmered and rippled in the watery moonlight. He lifted his shaking hands to his face but they were also transparent and he could see through them to the figure on the shore. Panic came roaring toward him and he shouted and screamed but he made no sound. Lewis kicked and thrashed about in a slow-motion dance of hysteria but his efforts had no effect on the surface of the lake. All around him the water remained still as if he wasn’t even there. He screamed; shouting and swearing but still, no sound would escape the lake. He could see Jen now standing next to him – the otherhim at the water’s edge. They took a last look out towards the islands and turned around to head back to his Subaru. Lewis could do nothing as he watched himselfand his girlfriend leaving. From the point of view of someone standing on the shore Cadman’s Pool hadn’t changed. It remained as cool and calm as always with no hint of the struggle taking place just beneath the surface.