When The Wind Blows Through The New Forest
By Andy Morris
Granny Judith began another one of her long irritating coughings fits as she drove her little blue Nissan slowly down the winding road towards Bolderwood. Millie turned away to look out of the rain-streaked passenger window until her nasty cough had passed. It was another reminder of how old her grandmother was. When they stood next to each other Granny Judith only came up to Millie's shoulder and when she was all hunched over with her walking stick she looked even smaller. She still had the same familiar smell of cigarette smoke and peppermint that always brought Millie back to her younger days, a time that she wasn't particularly fond of recalling. Now though, as well as the sweet peppermint and stale smoke there was also an unmistakable smell of body odour wafting off her grandmother. It wasn't strong but it was disgusting and Millie avoided getting too close to her. She still wore the same charity-shop dresses that she had always worn. They looked a little shabbier now though. Her hair, that tight knot of grey perm was still there as always but now it lacked its body and was visibly thinning. Granny Judith was getting old. Years of chain-smoking had taken their toll on her and although she had cut down on her fags, her lungs continued to complain about her annoying coughing fits that filled the house day and night. She probably had cancer, Millie had decided. She wouldn't be around much longer either and then Granny Judith would be another person to add to the list of people who had abandoned her. It didn't really matter though; people had been abandoning Millie since she was born, so what was one more person?
Granny Judith eventually finished her coughing and continued with her boring lecture about the local wildlife. “… Where was I? Oh yes, we’ve got the largest concentration of ancient trees in Western Europe. Did you know that? There’s the… Knighthood Oak, here at Bolderwood; the Eagle Oak and [cough] just down the road and the beautiful Yew at Brockenhurst Parish Church…”
What was it with old people, Millie wondered, and their fascination with old things? She tried to tune her grandmother out before she lost the will to live all together. God, she was boring! Millie had tried to avoid spending much time with her grandmother since she arrived last weekend and the only reason she came out with her today, and Granny Judith didn’t need to know this, was because it was raining and Millie wanted a lift to meet her new boyfriend. She hadn’t told Granny Judith anything about Cole. The old lady wouldn’t approve of him so it was just easiest just to keep quiet.
At last, they arrived and Millie looked around excitedly as they pulled into the gravel car park. There weren't many other cars here and she couldn't see any people in the woods either. Still, he'd be around somewhere. Millie opened the car door before Granny Judith had put on the handbrake and eagerly hopped out, ignoring her grandmother's weak protests. Millie noticed the rain had made the air smell fresh and clean as she scampered across the road and down into the woods, towards the viewing gallery that overlooked the deer sanctuary below. In a rare moment of spontaneity Millie almost skipped down the path between the trees. She was so caught up in the excitement of seeing Cole again that she momentarily forgot all about the weight of self-consciousness that so often dragged her down through these early teenage years. The anticipation of seeing Cole had made her feel like a kid again. She rushed onto the damp wooden platform with her heavy clomping footsteps and leaned over the fence. She was almost out of breath as she looked around for her latest boyfriend. He wasn't here but that didn't matter; he may be out in the woods somewhere sheltering from the drizzle. She scanned the trees but there was no sign of him nearby. Should she be worried? Did he not want to see her again? No! She stamped on her self-doubt quickly. It wasn't going to ruin this moment like it did most things in her life. He'd be here; he said he would be. Just to make sure Mille pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent him a text to let him know she'd arrived. She'd sent one earlier to say they were setting off but he'd not responded. He'd not responded to any of her texts so far today. But that didn't matter; he was probably too busy working to reply to her. She'd just have to wait for him instead.
The sound of Granny Judith’s dry impatient cough echoed through the trees and Millie turned to see her wobbling towards her; walking stick in one hand and tatty old umbrella in the other. Granny Judith eventually caught up with Millie and together they watched the herd of deer gently grazing in the long grass by the line of trees at the far end of the field. The soft pattering of the rain on the umbrella filled the awkward silence and Millie was relieved she didn’t have to make conversation with the old lady again. The rain was beginning to ease off now and the dripping from the leafy canopy above became slower and quieter. Granny Judith said she liked the sound of the rain and along with the deer it leant a nice tranquillity to this place. Millie’s thoughts, however, were far from serene as she checked her phone again and saw there were still no new messages from Cole. She was trying to hold on to images of him from when they first met the other day. It was hard though; the mental pictures kept dissolving into visions of Millie standing here alone, or of Cole going off with another girl. It was her self-doubt again, her demons teasing her. The more she tried to focus on the nice images, the more they slipped away. She glanced at the time on her phone she felt another pang of concern that he wasn’t going to show today. He’d cancelled their last date and she’d only seen him once; which was the day they first met. It was still early days in their relationship but their time together had been special and Millie needed to see him again.
Time passed slowly as Millie waited impatiently for her boyfriend to show up. Granny Judith had been quiet, thankfully, but then she suddenly took her arm and pointed to a wide thicket of bracken and tall grasses on the opposite side of the field. “Look over there” Granny Judith whispered loudly, pointing with her bony finger. Millie glanced disinterestedly, annoyed that her train of thought had been interrupted. It was just a load of stupid long grass waving about in the breeze.
"Down there [cough] in the grass and bracken. You see the way it's moving?" Granny Judith was becoming more animated. "There's an old saying that when the wind blows through the New Forest, there's often magic in the air. That's why you should never go into the forest on your own after dark" Granny Judith cautioned. "Because, when the sun goes down and the good folk of Hampshire return to their homes, the New Forest awakens. When you were younger you loved listening to stories of the various witches, ghosts and faery-folk that dwell amongst the trees." Millie didn't need to be reminded about that, but Granny Judith carried on anyway. "There's an element of truth to all old wives tales and that's why I keep having to remind you to lock the doors and windows at night. If any of these queer folk happen to be passing a house and spy an open door or window that someone forgot to close, then that poor soul inside may get a surprising and, sometimes unpleasant, visitor." Granny Judith explained, trying to suppress another one of her irritating coughs. She pointed at the patch of waving grasses and nettles, tracing her wrinkly old finger in a swirling pattern as if tracking a fly. Granny Judith was staring so intently that Millie had to look again.
"You see the way the grasses are moving down there? That could be one of those magical creatures: A strange fellow is known as Run-The-Hunt. Do you remember him?"
Millie may have heard of him before, but it didn’t hold much interest for her.
"No one knows exactly what Run-The-Hunt is or where he came from but they always know when he's nearby the movement of the hedgerows and long grasses. You see, when the wind makes trails or spiral patterns through the wild grasses, some people believe it's actually to be Run-The-Hunt dashing through the undergrowth."
Millie rolled her eyes under a slight frown. She was fourteen, not a child and she pressed her lips together in her best seriously expression. Unfortunately, Granny Judith didn't take the hint and went on to retell her favourite story about the strange beast that used to prowl through local villages and farms at night making off with their animals and terrifying young children. "One day [cough] a group of people approached the master of a local hunt many years ago. The master agreed to go out with his party to catch the animal." Granny Judith continued. "They set out from, Fritham, I believe it was. The story goes that the hounds soon picked up the scent and they tracked Run-The-Hunt across the hills and chased him through the woods until eventually… Well, no one knows exactly what happened. Only that the hunting party never came home. Run-The-Hunt is just as wily and cunning as any fox and it's more than likely that [cough] he turned the tables on huntsmen and caught them instead." Granny Judith explained, unnecessarily, because Millie wasn't even interested. She'd stopped listening to a while ago. Cole still hadn't replied to her text messages. It was starting to get late so she sent him another concerned text asking if everything was okay.
By four o’clock the rain had stopped but Cole still hadn’t replied and Granny Judith was still droning on about local superstitions, wildlife and trees and all that rubbish. At least it was easier to ignore her than it was to ignore the doubting, negative voices in her head. Cole had stood her up and her inner demons of self-loathing were feasting on her mood again. They were laughing at, taunting her with reasons why Cole hadn’t shown up for their second date: It was because she was too fat, she told herself; she was too ugly, She just wasn’t good enough. Just then her phoned beeped and she saw a message from her boyfriend. A swell of relief quickly washed over her and she felt a little giddy as she opened the message. As she read it her heart shone and the brilliant light banished the demons again, for a little while at least. Cole’s message said he’d been held up at a different job and he’d only just finished. He wouldn’t be able to get to her tonight but he’d be in Ringwood tomorrow at about three o’clock?
Excellent!
Hopefully, her fragile mood would hold out until she saw him tomorrow.
The following morning Millie was awoken with the unwelcome news that Janet, her social worker was coming over to visit her that afternoon. Although it was late when Granny Judith woke her, she was still tired and the news was not well received. Janet would have to wait because she wasn’t going to miss a chance to see Cole again. Besides, Janet was only going to hassle her about going back to school. Or worse, she was going to say she had to go back to live with Mum again. She’d only been staying here with Granny Judith for a few days and it wasn’t long enough. This wasn’t fair; Janet was being well out of order! Typical! She always had to ruin everything for Millie. Well, she could swivel because Millie was going out this afternoon and no one was going to stop her!
"[Cough]. You know you're not supposed to speak to me like that, young lady. Now, [cough] Janet will be here at three o'clock so make sure you've had a shower and you look presentable. And do have something to eat today, Millie. I didn't see you eat much yesterday and it's nearly lunchtime now [cough]."
"Yeah right," Millie muttered sulkily. The old woman asked what she wanted for lunch but Millie didn't bother to respond. When she had first arrived here Granny Judith had actually said she looked underweight, and she'd been nagging her to eat more ever since. Millie knew perfectly well that she didn't need to eat any more. She was taking on far too many calories as it was. Seven stone was too much; she needed to be six. She couldn't remember where she'd read it but that was her ideal weight and it was what she was aiming for. Once she achieved that perfect weight she'd be a lot happier and a lot more confident.
When Granny Judith had gone downstairs Millie she quickly pulled on her old pair of jeans and big black hoodie then crept down into the cramped hallway of Granny Judith's old house. The horrible floral wallpaper was stained yellow from years of cigarette smoke and it was peeling in places, revealing brown gunk underneath where it had lost its stickiness.
Millie waited at the bottom of the stairs by the front door until she could hear Granny Judith clattering plates in the kitchen as she prepared lunch. Once she knew the old lady's attention was occupied Millie opened the front door and shouted she was just popping out to the shops. Quickly, she hurried down the garden path, letting the door fall closed behind her before Granny Judith could hobble out to stop her. Millie slipped through the rotting wooden gate that leaned horribly at the end of the brown overgrown garden. Anyone could easily kick the splintering gatepost and it would collapse. An image of her kicking the post hard flashed into her mind but she ignored it and made her way towards the bus stop.
She was free again. She had her music and headphones and tuned out the world. She loved listening to music and wanted to work in radio one day. Radio was perfect because she could play music all day and other people wouldn't be able to see her. She felt her mood slip a little. Working in radio probably wouldn't happen, knowing her luck and knowing what other people were like. Millie didn't like other people. Mum, Mum's boyfriend Daryl and various other figures had taught her that other people weren't to be trusted: They either let you down or take advantage of you. She'd be happy if she never saw another person ever again but that would never happen.
When Millie arrived in Ringwood she sat at the bus stop near the large supermarket on the Furlong. She'd arrived early and enjoyed the anticipation of waiting for her boyfriend to arrive – well he wasn't actually a boy. Cole was a proper grown-up man, not that age really mattered when you were in love. Besides, she was just about an adult anyway. Cole had said fourteen was a special age; that's when he had given up school as well. He was twenty-three years old now and he'd explained there wasn't much point staying on to do exams at school. He didn't bother and now worked every now and then buying old cars and doing them up to sell them on again. He was mature, yet edgy with his eyebrow piercings and that impressive spider tattoo crawling up the side of his neck. Millie smiled; she knew they could be so happy together.
Cole had told her that he'd recently split up with his girlfriend because she'd been cheating on him. Millie could see how upset he was and she felt sorry for him. Although, at the end of their first (and so far only) date Millie wasn't sure he was as upset at his loss as he had initially made out. By the end of the date, he had almost been acting as if his ‘Ex' hadn't cheated on him at all? Anyway, Millie would never cheat on Cole. She'd do anything for him. Thinking of him made her feel warm and she no longer felt the cold breeze as she sat huddled in the bus shelter.
The initial excitement slowly wore off and progressed into boredom. When it got to five o'clock and Cole still hadn't arrived her old friend anxiety had crept back into her mind. She could feel her demons swarming because hot on the heels of anxiety was the curse of self-doubt. Her self-doubt was never far away and had plagued her all her life. That cruel annoying voice began teasing her again: Cole didn't like her; no one liked her. That's why Mum sent her away to Granny Judith's; that's why Cole hadn't turned up. She'd never get a boyfriend – no one wanted her. It wasn't fair. All she wanted was for someone to love her. Of course, she'd had boyfriends in the past, plenty of them but no matter what she did for them they all turned into idiots before long. She could be the perfect girlfriend, willing to do, and often did, whatever they asked. But still the love didn't last, or it didn't last from them anyway and they quickly got bored with her.
Where was Cole and why hadn’t he turned up? Again?
Millie looked around again in case he had arrived but there was still no sign of him. Looking back through the glass window she saw a reflection of the dumpy self-conscious teenager staring back at her. She pulled the hood of her hoodie further over her head and withdrew her hands further up the overstretched sleeves, hiding away in the dark lonely comfort of her top.
Evening shadows were gathering and Millie looked back at the oak trees dotted around the wooden seating area opposite the Town Council building near the bus shelters. Autumn's kiss of death would soon come to the trees, Millie thought. The leaves would turn lifeless and brown, falling from dying branches to lie uselessly on the ground, forgotten by their former kin. Nature, Millie reflected bitterly, didn't care about the small things that got lost or abandoned. That's why she had hated this time of year. It was the death of summer and a reminder of the coming dark miserable days of winter. The joy of the summer sun was gone; just a distant memory filled with regret at the things she hadn't done while she had the chance. She had concluded a long time ago that this was the way of the world. The sunny days of her childhood had passed all too quickly and along with with them the expectation of happiness and carefree wonder was gone from her life as well. Sometimes she wondered if the happiness had even been there at all? Now she was in her autumn years; a teenager mourning the loss of a childhood she never had.
Where was he?
She took out her phone and sent him another text asking him where he was and if everything was all right. He must be getting annoyed with all her texts now. She waited until it was starting to get dark and considered sending him another text but decided against it. She didn’t want to appear desperate.
He wasn’t coming and the final acceptance of this fact was painful. She didn’t want to go back to Granny Judith’s house but she had nowhere else to go. A bus would be along in a minute but she didn’t want to catch a bus because there would be other people on it and she just wanted to be on her own. Instead, she decided to walk back to her grandmother’s house. It was a long walk in the dark and there were few pavements but if she was hit by a car and died it really wouldn’t matter. If anything, it would be a relief, for everyone.
She knew her Mum didn't want her; she'd never had any time for Millie. Besides, Millie had hated it with her; hated Mum and hated Mum's boyfriend, Daryl. She knew the feelings were mutual. She had at least Millie had tried to be nice to them both but they didn't care about her. Millie had run away from home many times and in the end, Mum had given up looking for her. She had more important things on her mind these days, and not just where she was going to find the money for her next drink. The police had been coming round a lot recently as well. They'd been looking for Daryl to question him about a break-in at some industrial estate. Millie wouldn't put it past that miserable waste of space to have been involved in it either. Daryl had been in and out of their lives for as long as Millie could remember. He and Mum argued a lot, usually about money. Mum would complain that he'd only ever come round when he was skint. But Mum loved him though and she had taken out a loan to help Daryl pay for something, he'd never actually said what he needed the money for. As for Mum, she'd owed lots of money to already. Now debt collectors kept phoning up all the time, sending letters and banging on the door demanding their money back. This was making Mum drink even more alcohol and in the end, it was all getting too much at home. Millie had said to Janet she couldn't stay there anymore and needed to move out. She'd asked if she could go and live with Cole but Janet said it wouldn't be appropriate. Then when she'd threatened to run away again Janet had come up with the idea of staying with someone else for a while, until things ‘cooled off' at home.
“Let someone else deal with the school when she doesn’t turn up, yeah?” Mum had complained to Janet. “Maybe Judith can get her to eat properly as well. I know I’ can’t. What’s more, I’ve had enough of her moods and I just can’t deal with her anymore, you know what I mean? Let Judith take some responsibility for her for a change.”
Millie wouldn't have chosen to come and stay with Granny Judith but there was no one else. What's more, she suspected Granny Judith didn't really like her either and she had only agreed to have her out of a sense of duty. She would never say that out loud, of course, but Millie knew it was true and a part of her, she decided, would always resent her grandmother for that.
The countryside had grown so dark now it felt as if Millie was totally alone, miles from civilisation. Overhead, clouds scudded across the pale autumn moon in an endless parade of black nightmares, exorcising all light from the world. Over the last hour, Millie had wandered out of Poulner and had found her way out past the Alice Lisle. The pub was supposed to be haunted, according to her superstitious grandmother but Millie pushed that thought away. In the dim illumination beyond the pub, she could just about make out where she was stepping. As she walked down the dark lane Millie enjoyed kicking her way through drifts of damp leaves at the side of the road. It was silly and immature but no one was around to see her and it was also a little bit fun.
Despite the lack of visible landmarks, Millie knew where she was going. She had a really good sense of direction and decided to cut across a field, which she knew would take her back to her grandmother's house. She found a gap in the hedgerow and scrambled over an old wire fence. Brambles and thorns grabbed at her legs and hoodie, trying to pull her back but she managed to drag herself over and plodded her way around the edge of the field of tall barley or something similar that was waiting to be cut down. The ground felt a little damp still from yesterday's rain but it wasn't too muddy. She kept to the side of the hedge and followed the dark leafy border round to the left. In front of her, the field rose slightly and widened in a large pool of blackness. It was when she got about halfway across that Millie began listening to the nocturnal sounds of the countryside all around her. Leaves whispered in the breeze, bats chittered to each other in the night and somewhere behind her twigs quietly snapped as something crept beneath the tangled hedgerow. Normally she wouldn't have paid it any attention to it but this time it made her pause.
When the sun goes down, the New forest awakens.
It was only then that it became apparent to Millie how absolute the darkness had become. The night felt dense as if a black fog had descended over the land and if she reached out she could probably touch it. The moon had gone behind a cloud again cutting off what little light she had remained. It was too dark and, somehow too still out here. It was as if something was watching and waiting, just out of sight but ready to pounce. If she hadn't been so stupid she could have got a bus and she'd be home by now. She pulled her sleeves over her hands again and absentmindedly began chewing on the end of her sleeve. She hadn't done this for years, not since she was a kid and had scared herself watching Daryl's horror films. She tried not to think about those films, with all the blood and gore and screaming. Millie quickened her pace through the field, taking care not to trip. Behind her, the crackle of twigs had stopped but it had been replaced by a new sound that was just as unwelcome to her ears. It was a swishing sound like a continuous rustle of something moving swiftly through the barley behind her. It lasted a few moments and when it stopped she felt nervous relief. It was just the wind but she was still getting jumpy. It got worse a few seconds later when the rustling sound came again, closer this time, sending a stupid chill right through her. She was tired and thinking about Daryl’s films and Granny Judith’s stupid stories about ghosts and wild animals, she’d given herself the creeps. It was silly and immature to feel like this. It was just the wind making those noises. But, she considered, it wouldn’t do any harm to check, just to reassure herself and prove she was only being childish. Millie stopped and slowly turned around. For a moment she thought she saw something a few feet away. It looked like a black shadow moving against the even blacker scenery of the field and surrounding hedgerow. It was a trick of the light; it had to be. Her tired eyes making her see things that weren't there. But then again, what if it wasn't? All sounds had stopped now and the night had become quiet, deathly quiet. The silence roared in her ears and she felt fear rising up, squeezing her throat. This sudden silence was eerier than anything else and after a brief moment's pause, Millie bolted. She ran for the end of the field. She charged off, telling herself again that there was nothing behind her but she was in a full panicked run now and no amount of reassurance would change that. She ran harder and didn't stop running until she finally reached Granny Judith's front door, tired, exhausted and out of breath.
The old woman took the cigarette in her mouth and started on her as soon as she got through the door. “[Cough]. Where have you been,” she demanded, placing the fag in the over-flowing ashtray on the table. “I’ve been a worried sick! Janet [cough] came all this way to see you and you didn’t even have the curtsey to be here [cough]. That’s not how people should behave, Amelia.”
Millie bristled at the use of her formal name and any fear that had been lingering in her mind was immediately forgotten. She hadn’t been expecting this and her mind whirled for a moment. She picked up a copy of Horse and Hound lying on the table and hugged it to her chest. “I got lost on the way back,” she objected. “I lost track of time otherwise I would have phoned up, wouldn’t I.”
"[Cough]. You know that's not going to wash with me, young lady. [Cough]." Millie shook her head. She didn't have time for this now; it was all too much. If Cole had turned up she wouldn't have been in this situation. Why was Granny Judith having a go at her? She was the victim; she was hurting. She had been stood-up by her boyfriend and once again no one ever noticed her pain. It just wasn't fair; no one understood her or what she was going through. Inside she felt her yin and yang of self-pity and anger spiral through her core and she didn't know whether to laugh or shout or cry or scream her frustration. Granny Judith was still talking but Millie only realised this when she heard the words "…so you're not going out again this week. You will stay here and think about what [cough] responsibilities mean. Is that clear Amelia?"
Millie shook her head in angry defiance.
“What’s more, you didn’t even close the door properly when you left either. I didn’t notice it until it was late and anything could have got into the house. How many times do I need to remind you? [Cough]”
Millie heard her own voice rising in response. Granny Judith's coughing increased so nearly every word was punctuated with a nasty phlegmy retch. But still, she didn't relent on her punishment. She said there was no way Millie would go out tomorrow night or any other night that week. In the end, Millie threw the crumpled Horse and Hound magazine to the floor and yelled: "You don't understand anything!" She ran out of the room and surged upstairs, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her.
It wouldn't be long before Granny Judith picked up the phone to call Janet and tell her she couldn't cope with Millie and she had to go. She hadn't even wanted her there in the first place and now she'd had enough of her. No one wanted Millie. Not Granny Judith, not Mum and not Cole. Millie sat on her bed and stared at the fat ugly girl in an oversized hoodie looking back at her from the mirror behind the door. It was no wonder no one wanted her; why would they? She dug her nails into the palms of her hand and squeezed, pressing them into her flesh. Sometimes the pain helped but this time she couldn’t be bothered with it and let go. She felt tired, too tired to do anything except curl up in bed. She looked at her phone one last time clinging onto the faint hope of a message but there was still nothing. This confirmed what she knew and she threw the phone onto the floor. It bounced away with a dull thud. She didn’t see where it landed because her face was buried in her pillow hiding the racking sobbing that had suddenly overwhelmed her.
It was gone midnight when Millie’s phone beeped. She dragged herself out of bed to retrieve the glowing device from the corner of the bedroom next to the old chest of draws. Cole had replied to her at last! She was unsure whether she should open the message at first. What if it was bad news? What if he was finishing with her? If that was the case then she didn’t want to know. But then again, how could she sleep without knowing what he wanted? While she debated with herself her thumbs took it upon themselves to act. They selected the message and opened the text. As she read it a smile quickly blossomed across her lips. It was a warm, loving smile and she knew she was suddenly grinning like an idiot but she didn’t care. Her earlier anger was washed away in a beautiful wave of relief. Love, glorious love washed through her entire body because Cole still liked her.
Yes!
It turned out that he’d totally forgotten about meeting up that afternoon and he’d arranged to go out with his mates instead. Millie paused, reread the message and then stared at the screen for several seconds. He’d forgotten about her. She pondered this for a moment longer as her demons sensed weakness again. He’d just forgotten that’s all. It was nothing to do with her looks, she told herself. Everyone makes mistakes. She quickly text him back asking if they could meet up again soon. A few seconds later Cole’s reply came back to say he could meet her up at Bolderwood tomorrow night. She sent him a long message about how she was looking forward to seeing him again and what a great time they’d have. When he didn’t reply she lovingly placed the phone under her pillow, still grinning like a mad thing as she lay back down and pulled the covers up over her head.
Granny Judith opened Millie’s curtains flooding her room with bright sunshine. Millie didn’t know what time it was but it felt early. Her grandmother told her that Janet was waiting downstairs and she had to get up and dressed quickly. Millie sighed and did as she was asked, still riding the high from last night.
Janet was sat in the kitchen drinking coffee at the table from one of the less-chipped white mugs. She smiled when she saw Millie.
“Apologies, I’m running a little late again this morning” Janet began in her familiar breezy tone as she combed her wavy blonde-grey hair behind her ear.
“I was sorry to have missed you yesterday Millie, but you’re here now. Okay, so I had a chat with your grandmother Millie and she was telling me how you’re getting on but I’d be interested to hear how things are going from your point of view?” Janet interlaced her fingers around her coffee cup as she rested it on the table and looked at Millie with her kind, expectant expression. Millie looked at the various multi-coloured wristbands adorning her arms displaying slogans such as Stop Domestic Violence, Beat Bullying, and Greenpeace. Janet was into her charities and she could easily afford it. Millie had always thought Janet was very posh and middle-class. So middle-class, that she was probably the kind of person who carried a bottle of wine and a cheeseboard in the back of her car. Millie smiled to herself at the silly observation. Cole would like that one.
No doubt Granny Judith had already told her about their fight last night but she didn’t want to dwell on that. It wasn’t important anymore and she didn’t want anything to spoil her mood today.
"It's all right I suppose," Millie said.
Janet asked various questions about how she was getting on with Granny Judith and how she was finding life out here in the New Forest compared to the busy scene in Southampton. Millie soon lost interest and at last Janet got the hint that Millie was bored and she got to the point of her visit.
“I’ve not been able to get hold of your mother, Millie. I’ve tried phoning and left lots of messages but she’s not picking up. I went round to see her yesterday and the house was all shut up. Did…” she lowered her voice in the way did when they were delivering her bad news. “… Did she mention anything to you about going away?” Janet didn’t have to worry about Millie’s feelings. Mum had taken off without warning before, usually to avoid people who were after her. Janet seemed to think Millie should be worried about this.
“No, I’ve not spoken to her and I don’t want to. I really don’t care where she is or what she’s doing. She’s never bothered about me so why should I give a crap about her?”
Millie felt Granny Judith bristle. She coughed again and shifted uncomfortably in her seat next to Millie but said nothing. She’s worried she’ll never get rid of me now Mum’s done a runner, Millie decided angrily.
Janet didn't say anything for a few moments and the awkward silence continued until she said at last "All right. I'll keep trying to contact her."
“Do whatever you like. She doesn’t give a toss about anyone but herself.”
“Millie, I am a little worried about you. You’ve not seemed yourself recently but I’m seeing one of my colleagues later on today. He works as a therapist and he’s really good to talk to when there’s something on your mind. How would you feel if I told him a little about you?”
Millie shrugged.
“Okay, thank you.” She paused to write something in her tatty black diary that was lying on the table next to her coffee cup. Janet then reached into her bag and produced some papers. “I also found these for you.” She said, handing them over to Millie.
“Remember last time we talked about the importance of attending school and what you wanted to do in the future? You said you wanted to work in radio and I’ve got an application form about volunteering at Forest FM, the local station. Millie suppressed a smile that wanted to burst onto her lips. This was more like it, but she couldn’t allow herself to feel hopeful about the news because if she did, something would no doubt go wrong with it.
“Thanks” she muttered avoiding Janet’s warm but firm gaze by looking at the application form.
“We also agreed you’d go into school a couple of days a week. Remember? I’ve written up the agreement we made and in order for the Forest FM placement to work you need to go into school for two hours on a Tuesday and a Thursday. It’s really important to uphold your end of the deal, Millie.”
"All right. Whatever," Millie mumbled unable to take her eyes off the Forest FM logo before her.
They talked for a while longer about this and that. Granny Judith offered Janet something to eat at lunchtime but the social worker declined, saying she had another appointment she had to get to.
After Janet had left Millie made herself a small salad for lunch. She wasn't hungry but it kept Granny Judith off her back. She spent the rest of the day in her room listening to music and texting Cole. He was probably too busy at work to reply to any of her messages this afternoon. He was often busy, she reminded herself. Still, after standing her up for the last two days in a row he could at least take some time to respond to her?
As the early evening shadows stretched across the neglected garden Millie took off her headphones and listened out for Granny Judith cooking tea downstairs in the kitchen. Eventually, Millie heard the sound of rushing water and clattering of pans, which told Millie that her grandmother was busy preparing the evening meal. She pulled her hoodie on and quietly slipped downstairs. Her first attempt to leave the house was thwarted because Granny Judith had locked the front door and taken the key out to prevent her from leaving the house. This wouldn't slow her down though. Instead, she sneaked into the lounge, opened the thin paint-chipped window and clambered out into the cold night air. She pushed the window shut behind her. It didn't close all the way and she heard it creak back open a few inches. Never mind. Granny Judith might hear her if she tried to close it properly so she left it open ajar.
Bolderwood wasn’t that far to walk to so she made her way down the lanes and through the fields, once again guided by the large harvest moon overhead. Thoughts of the previous night’s incident were far from her mind now. She had just been tired and had spooked herself, but it wouldn’t happen tonight because she’d have Cole at her side to protect her.
The car park was deserted when she finally rounded the bend and crossed the road into the field that ran next to the gravel parking area. She wandered down to where the wide cattle grid divided the road. Walking around it she made her way across the tarmac and down through the trees towards the viewing gallery. It was a good place to meet because it gave them lots of privacy at this time of night.
Cole wasn’t there yet but he wouldn’t stand her up for a third night, especially when she was alone and it was so dark everywhere. A breeze picked up and Millie felt the cold biting her skin. She should have brought a jacket with her. Never-mind, when Cole came, they could go and sit in his car to warm up, because he would come tonight!
Millie leaned over the wooden rail to see if the deer came closer to the fence at night when there were no people around. They didn’t. She could understand them not wanting to be around people. She couldn’t see any of deer in the wide field tonight. It was too dark to see anything beyond the fence but she could sense them out there, observing her. Or at least something was out there in the field, watching quietly. Bolderwood, Millie quietly realised, looked very different in the evening. It was much more isolated.
Where was Cole?
The night pressed in around her and it was dark and still. This may not have been such a great place to meet him after all. Millie decided she didn’t like it here any more. The wind blew again and she could hear the long grass in the field swishing in the breeze. The sound was steady and rhythmic as if the nearby trees were breathing heavily. Millie shivered as she felt the temperature suddenly drop. All around her the night air seemed to change. Something was wrong. The voice in her head, the one that taunted her and teased her was now serious. It was telling her something wasn’t right. Her demons were scared and that worried her. Millie looked over her shoulder back the way she’d come but couldn’t see anything beyond the nearby trees.
She should leave.
The rustling of the leaves in the trees was telling her to go. Suddenly all the nocturnal sounds of the forest were telling her to leave. A stab of adrenaline punctured her heart as some primal instinct warned her of imminent yet unseen danger. She knew now more than ever that something was wrong. Someone was watching her, stalking her through the darkness. Then the wind abruptly stopped as if the trees now held their breath. An eerie silence now surrounded her and the fragile tension wrapped around the lonely viewing gallery. Millie stretched her sleeves over her hands as she turned around in a cautious circle. She should run. But there was nothing to run from in the thick darkness. There was no one else here. And in a way that was worse. That meant whatever was out there, it was hiding, getting ready to leap out at her.
Damn it, Cole. Help me!
But Cole wasn't coming, she conceded. He was laughing at her with his mates. She should have known it was all a game to him. She should never have trusted him and it was a mistake to have come out here alone. Something moved behind her. A dried twig snapped and she spun around. The bushes to the side of the viewing gallery rustled again and in the dim moonlight, two white diamonds glittered in the dark, just a couple of feet from the ground. She quickly realised it was the reflection of the moon on a pair of eyes, eyes that were watching her intently. A high-pitched whimper, that Millie hardly recognised as her own, escaped her throat as slowly, cautiously, the beast stepped out of the foliage and onto the path directly in front of her. Millie stumbled backwards to the edge of the viewing gallery. The wooden barrier pressed into her lower back. She needed to bend down and duck underneath it but she couldn't move. It slowly approached her, head down, revealing more of its sly features. Two furry ears pointed upward and alert over an arrow of dark amber fur while beneath its black glistening nose the underside of its jaw, neck and chest were a dirty white, lending it the appearance of a fox. But that was where the similarity ended. It was much bigger than a fox and its features weren't altogether bestial. The fox-like creature gracefully stood upright on what Millie had assumed were its hind legs. Run-The-Hunt sniffed the air loudly before its eyes, brooding and pensive, fixed her in the gloom. She was paralysed in that threatening stare, unable to look away from the feral beast before her. You’re trespassing in my world his silent expression seemed to say. Now you’re mine.
They stared at each other and the world around them began to melt away. Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes and then hours in that quiet tense moment. Millie briefly thought of screaming for help but her voice failed her as she watched his jaws silently yawn open. She was alone and at the mercy of those long and jagged teeth. They looked as sharp as knives where they shone in the moonlight. Millie became aware that while she'd been staring, Run-The-Hunt had silently moved closer. He was now standing directly in front of her. Up close he looked more human than bestial that observation gave Millie no comfort. She could see markings like tattoos ripple over the steel cables of his muscular forearms. She watched, powerless, as he took hold of her in his strong arms. He placed one hand (or paw?) at the base of her spine while the other found the back of her neck. He made no sound and although his grip was gentle, Millie had no doubt he could snap her neck in a second if he chose to. In the final moments, before the darkness rushed up and swallowed her, Millie thought about Cole and her Mum and Daryl. They're all going to be sorry when they find me, she reflected bitterly. I hope they suffer from all the sadness and guilt because they deserve it. It's all their fault…
A few days later the sun rose slowly through a hazy autumn sky. The early morning scents of the New Forest rose to meet the new dawn. Tall towering bracken swayed gently all around Millie as she peered through the forest of green and brown leaves. She had been awake for hours but had just become aware of someone on the hillside opposite the spot where she lay. It was Granny Judith out walking alone on the common. Millie watched her and wondered for a moment, whether her grandmother was out looking for her? She’d not seen Granny Judith for a while and she thought about going over to her and telling her what had happened. But after a brief hesitation, she decided against it. Granny Judith would never understand.
Just then something flashed past Millie. Laughing she whirled about and gave chase, crashing through the undergrowth, racing after her new companion. Her old life was forgotten and she felt like a child again. The New Forest was her playground and she was as wild and free as the wind blowing over the Hampshire countryside.
Granny Judith eventually finished her coughing and continued with her boring lecture about the local wildlife. “… Where was I? Oh yes, we’ve got the largest concentration of ancient trees in Western Europe. Did you know that? There’s the… Knighthood Oak, here at Bolderwood; the Eagle Oak and [cough] just down the road and the beautiful Yew at Brockenhurst Parish Church…”
What was it with old people, Millie wondered, and their fascination with old things? She tried to tune her grandmother out before she lost the will to live all together. God, she was boring! Millie had tried to avoid spending much time with her grandmother since she arrived last weekend and the only reason she came out with her today, and Granny Judith didn’t need to know this, was because it was raining and Millie wanted a lift to meet her new boyfriend. She hadn’t told Granny Judith anything about Cole. The old lady wouldn’t approve of him so it was just easiest just to keep quiet.
At last, they arrived and Millie looked around excitedly as they pulled into the gravel car park. There weren't many other cars here and she couldn't see any people in the woods either. Still, he'd be around somewhere. Millie opened the car door before Granny Judith had put on the handbrake and eagerly hopped out, ignoring her grandmother's weak protests. Millie noticed the rain had made the air smell fresh and clean as she scampered across the road and down into the woods, towards the viewing gallery that overlooked the deer sanctuary below. In a rare moment of spontaneity Millie almost skipped down the path between the trees. She was so caught up in the excitement of seeing Cole again that she momentarily forgot all about the weight of self-consciousness that so often dragged her down through these early teenage years. The anticipation of seeing Cole had made her feel like a kid again. She rushed onto the damp wooden platform with her heavy clomping footsteps and leaned over the fence. She was almost out of breath as she looked around for her latest boyfriend. He wasn't here but that didn't matter; he may be out in the woods somewhere sheltering from the drizzle. She scanned the trees but there was no sign of him nearby. Should she be worried? Did he not want to see her again? No! She stamped on her self-doubt quickly. It wasn't going to ruin this moment like it did most things in her life. He'd be here; he said he would be. Just to make sure Mille pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent him a text to let him know she'd arrived. She'd sent one earlier to say they were setting off but he'd not responded. He'd not responded to any of her texts so far today. But that didn't matter; he was probably too busy working to reply to her. She'd just have to wait for him instead.
The sound of Granny Judith’s dry impatient cough echoed through the trees and Millie turned to see her wobbling towards her; walking stick in one hand and tatty old umbrella in the other. Granny Judith eventually caught up with Millie and together they watched the herd of deer gently grazing in the long grass by the line of trees at the far end of the field. The soft pattering of the rain on the umbrella filled the awkward silence and Millie was relieved she didn’t have to make conversation with the old lady again. The rain was beginning to ease off now and the dripping from the leafy canopy above became slower and quieter. Granny Judith said she liked the sound of the rain and along with the deer it leant a nice tranquillity to this place. Millie’s thoughts, however, were far from serene as she checked her phone again and saw there were still no new messages from Cole. She was trying to hold on to images of him from when they first met the other day. It was hard though; the mental pictures kept dissolving into visions of Millie standing here alone, or of Cole going off with another girl. It was her self-doubt again, her demons teasing her. The more she tried to focus on the nice images, the more they slipped away. She glanced at the time on her phone she felt another pang of concern that he wasn’t going to show today. He’d cancelled their last date and she’d only seen him once; which was the day they first met. It was still early days in their relationship but their time together had been special and Millie needed to see him again.
Time passed slowly as Millie waited impatiently for her boyfriend to show up. Granny Judith had been quiet, thankfully, but then she suddenly took her arm and pointed to a wide thicket of bracken and tall grasses on the opposite side of the field. “Look over there” Granny Judith whispered loudly, pointing with her bony finger. Millie glanced disinterestedly, annoyed that her train of thought had been interrupted. It was just a load of stupid long grass waving about in the breeze.
"Down there [cough] in the grass and bracken. You see the way it's moving?" Granny Judith was becoming more animated. "There's an old saying that when the wind blows through the New Forest, there's often magic in the air. That's why you should never go into the forest on your own after dark" Granny Judith cautioned. "Because, when the sun goes down and the good folk of Hampshire return to their homes, the New Forest awakens. When you were younger you loved listening to stories of the various witches, ghosts and faery-folk that dwell amongst the trees." Millie didn't need to be reminded about that, but Granny Judith carried on anyway. "There's an element of truth to all old wives tales and that's why I keep having to remind you to lock the doors and windows at night. If any of these queer folk happen to be passing a house and spy an open door or window that someone forgot to close, then that poor soul inside may get a surprising and, sometimes unpleasant, visitor." Granny Judith explained, trying to suppress another one of her irritating coughs. She pointed at the patch of waving grasses and nettles, tracing her wrinkly old finger in a swirling pattern as if tracking a fly. Granny Judith was staring so intently that Millie had to look again.
"You see the way the grasses are moving down there? That could be one of those magical creatures: A strange fellow is known as Run-The-Hunt. Do you remember him?"
Millie may have heard of him before, but it didn’t hold much interest for her.
"No one knows exactly what Run-The-Hunt is or where he came from but they always know when he's nearby the movement of the hedgerows and long grasses. You see, when the wind makes trails or spiral patterns through the wild grasses, some people believe it's actually to be Run-The-Hunt dashing through the undergrowth."
Millie rolled her eyes under a slight frown. She was fourteen, not a child and she pressed her lips together in her best seriously expression. Unfortunately, Granny Judith didn't take the hint and went on to retell her favourite story about the strange beast that used to prowl through local villages and farms at night making off with their animals and terrifying young children. "One day [cough] a group of people approached the master of a local hunt many years ago. The master agreed to go out with his party to catch the animal." Granny Judith continued. "They set out from, Fritham, I believe it was. The story goes that the hounds soon picked up the scent and they tracked Run-The-Hunt across the hills and chased him through the woods until eventually… Well, no one knows exactly what happened. Only that the hunting party never came home. Run-The-Hunt is just as wily and cunning as any fox and it's more than likely that [cough] he turned the tables on huntsmen and caught them instead." Granny Judith explained, unnecessarily, because Millie wasn't even interested. She'd stopped listening to a while ago. Cole still hadn't replied to her text messages. It was starting to get late so she sent him another concerned text asking if everything was okay.
By four o’clock the rain had stopped but Cole still hadn’t replied and Granny Judith was still droning on about local superstitions, wildlife and trees and all that rubbish. At least it was easier to ignore her than it was to ignore the doubting, negative voices in her head. Cole had stood her up and her inner demons of self-loathing were feasting on her mood again. They were laughing at, taunting her with reasons why Cole hadn’t shown up for their second date: It was because she was too fat, she told herself; she was too ugly, She just wasn’t good enough. Just then her phoned beeped and she saw a message from her boyfriend. A swell of relief quickly washed over her and she felt a little giddy as she opened the message. As she read it her heart shone and the brilliant light banished the demons again, for a little while at least. Cole’s message said he’d been held up at a different job and he’d only just finished. He wouldn’t be able to get to her tonight but he’d be in Ringwood tomorrow at about three o’clock?
Excellent!
Hopefully, her fragile mood would hold out until she saw him tomorrow.
The following morning Millie was awoken with the unwelcome news that Janet, her social worker was coming over to visit her that afternoon. Although it was late when Granny Judith woke her, she was still tired and the news was not well received. Janet would have to wait because she wasn’t going to miss a chance to see Cole again. Besides, Janet was only going to hassle her about going back to school. Or worse, she was going to say she had to go back to live with Mum again. She’d only been staying here with Granny Judith for a few days and it wasn’t long enough. This wasn’t fair; Janet was being well out of order! Typical! She always had to ruin everything for Millie. Well, she could swivel because Millie was going out this afternoon and no one was going to stop her!
"[Cough]. You know you're not supposed to speak to me like that, young lady. Now, [cough] Janet will be here at three o'clock so make sure you've had a shower and you look presentable. And do have something to eat today, Millie. I didn't see you eat much yesterday and it's nearly lunchtime now [cough]."
"Yeah right," Millie muttered sulkily. The old woman asked what she wanted for lunch but Millie didn't bother to respond. When she had first arrived here Granny Judith had actually said she looked underweight, and she'd been nagging her to eat more ever since. Millie knew perfectly well that she didn't need to eat any more. She was taking on far too many calories as it was. Seven stone was too much; she needed to be six. She couldn't remember where she'd read it but that was her ideal weight and it was what she was aiming for. Once she achieved that perfect weight she'd be a lot happier and a lot more confident.
When Granny Judith had gone downstairs Millie she quickly pulled on her old pair of jeans and big black hoodie then crept down into the cramped hallway of Granny Judith's old house. The horrible floral wallpaper was stained yellow from years of cigarette smoke and it was peeling in places, revealing brown gunk underneath where it had lost its stickiness.
Millie waited at the bottom of the stairs by the front door until she could hear Granny Judith clattering plates in the kitchen as she prepared lunch. Once she knew the old lady's attention was occupied Millie opened the front door and shouted she was just popping out to the shops. Quickly, she hurried down the garden path, letting the door fall closed behind her before Granny Judith could hobble out to stop her. Millie slipped through the rotting wooden gate that leaned horribly at the end of the brown overgrown garden. Anyone could easily kick the splintering gatepost and it would collapse. An image of her kicking the post hard flashed into her mind but she ignored it and made her way towards the bus stop.
She was free again. She had her music and headphones and tuned out the world. She loved listening to music and wanted to work in radio one day. Radio was perfect because she could play music all day and other people wouldn't be able to see her. She felt her mood slip a little. Working in radio probably wouldn't happen, knowing her luck and knowing what other people were like. Millie didn't like other people. Mum, Mum's boyfriend Daryl and various other figures had taught her that other people weren't to be trusted: They either let you down or take advantage of you. She'd be happy if she never saw another person ever again but that would never happen.
When Millie arrived in Ringwood she sat at the bus stop near the large supermarket on the Furlong. She'd arrived early and enjoyed the anticipation of waiting for her boyfriend to arrive – well he wasn't actually a boy. Cole was a proper grown-up man, not that age really mattered when you were in love. Besides, she was just about an adult anyway. Cole had said fourteen was a special age; that's when he had given up school as well. He was twenty-three years old now and he'd explained there wasn't much point staying on to do exams at school. He didn't bother and now worked every now and then buying old cars and doing them up to sell them on again. He was mature, yet edgy with his eyebrow piercings and that impressive spider tattoo crawling up the side of his neck. Millie smiled; she knew they could be so happy together.
Cole had told her that he'd recently split up with his girlfriend because she'd been cheating on him. Millie could see how upset he was and she felt sorry for him. Although, at the end of their first (and so far only) date Millie wasn't sure he was as upset at his loss as he had initially made out. By the end of the date, he had almost been acting as if his ‘Ex' hadn't cheated on him at all? Anyway, Millie would never cheat on Cole. She'd do anything for him. Thinking of him made her feel warm and she no longer felt the cold breeze as she sat huddled in the bus shelter.
The initial excitement slowly wore off and progressed into boredom. When it got to five o'clock and Cole still hadn't arrived her old friend anxiety had crept back into her mind. She could feel her demons swarming because hot on the heels of anxiety was the curse of self-doubt. Her self-doubt was never far away and had plagued her all her life. That cruel annoying voice began teasing her again: Cole didn't like her; no one liked her. That's why Mum sent her away to Granny Judith's; that's why Cole hadn't turned up. She'd never get a boyfriend – no one wanted her. It wasn't fair. All she wanted was for someone to love her. Of course, she'd had boyfriends in the past, plenty of them but no matter what she did for them they all turned into idiots before long. She could be the perfect girlfriend, willing to do, and often did, whatever they asked. But still the love didn't last, or it didn't last from them anyway and they quickly got bored with her.
Where was Cole and why hadn’t he turned up? Again?
Millie looked around again in case he had arrived but there was still no sign of him. Looking back through the glass window she saw a reflection of the dumpy self-conscious teenager staring back at her. She pulled the hood of her hoodie further over her head and withdrew her hands further up the overstretched sleeves, hiding away in the dark lonely comfort of her top.
Evening shadows were gathering and Millie looked back at the oak trees dotted around the wooden seating area opposite the Town Council building near the bus shelters. Autumn's kiss of death would soon come to the trees, Millie thought. The leaves would turn lifeless and brown, falling from dying branches to lie uselessly on the ground, forgotten by their former kin. Nature, Millie reflected bitterly, didn't care about the small things that got lost or abandoned. That's why she had hated this time of year. It was the death of summer and a reminder of the coming dark miserable days of winter. The joy of the summer sun was gone; just a distant memory filled with regret at the things she hadn't done while she had the chance. She had concluded a long time ago that this was the way of the world. The sunny days of her childhood had passed all too quickly and along with with them the expectation of happiness and carefree wonder was gone from her life as well. Sometimes she wondered if the happiness had even been there at all? Now she was in her autumn years; a teenager mourning the loss of a childhood she never had.
Where was he?
She took out her phone and sent him another text asking him where he was and if everything was all right. He must be getting annoyed with all her texts now. She waited until it was starting to get dark and considered sending him another text but decided against it. She didn’t want to appear desperate.
He wasn’t coming and the final acceptance of this fact was painful. She didn’t want to go back to Granny Judith’s house but she had nowhere else to go. A bus would be along in a minute but she didn’t want to catch a bus because there would be other people on it and she just wanted to be on her own. Instead, she decided to walk back to her grandmother’s house. It was a long walk in the dark and there were few pavements but if she was hit by a car and died it really wouldn’t matter. If anything, it would be a relief, for everyone.
She knew her Mum didn't want her; she'd never had any time for Millie. Besides, Millie had hated it with her; hated Mum and hated Mum's boyfriend, Daryl. She knew the feelings were mutual. She had at least Millie had tried to be nice to them both but they didn't care about her. Millie had run away from home many times and in the end, Mum had given up looking for her. She had more important things on her mind these days, and not just where she was going to find the money for her next drink. The police had been coming round a lot recently as well. They'd been looking for Daryl to question him about a break-in at some industrial estate. Millie wouldn't put it past that miserable waste of space to have been involved in it either. Daryl had been in and out of their lives for as long as Millie could remember. He and Mum argued a lot, usually about money. Mum would complain that he'd only ever come round when he was skint. But Mum loved him though and she had taken out a loan to help Daryl pay for something, he'd never actually said what he needed the money for. As for Mum, she'd owed lots of money to already. Now debt collectors kept phoning up all the time, sending letters and banging on the door demanding their money back. This was making Mum drink even more alcohol and in the end, it was all getting too much at home. Millie had said to Janet she couldn't stay there anymore and needed to move out. She'd asked if she could go and live with Cole but Janet said it wouldn't be appropriate. Then when she'd threatened to run away again Janet had come up with the idea of staying with someone else for a while, until things ‘cooled off' at home.
“Let someone else deal with the school when she doesn’t turn up, yeah?” Mum had complained to Janet. “Maybe Judith can get her to eat properly as well. I know I’ can’t. What’s more, I’ve had enough of her moods and I just can’t deal with her anymore, you know what I mean? Let Judith take some responsibility for her for a change.”
Millie wouldn't have chosen to come and stay with Granny Judith but there was no one else. What's more, she suspected Granny Judith didn't really like her either and she had only agreed to have her out of a sense of duty. She would never say that out loud, of course, but Millie knew it was true and a part of her, she decided, would always resent her grandmother for that.
The countryside had grown so dark now it felt as if Millie was totally alone, miles from civilisation. Overhead, clouds scudded across the pale autumn moon in an endless parade of black nightmares, exorcising all light from the world. Over the last hour, Millie had wandered out of Poulner and had found her way out past the Alice Lisle. The pub was supposed to be haunted, according to her superstitious grandmother but Millie pushed that thought away. In the dim illumination beyond the pub, she could just about make out where she was stepping. As she walked down the dark lane Millie enjoyed kicking her way through drifts of damp leaves at the side of the road. It was silly and immature but no one was around to see her and it was also a little bit fun.
Despite the lack of visible landmarks, Millie knew where she was going. She had a really good sense of direction and decided to cut across a field, which she knew would take her back to her grandmother's house. She found a gap in the hedgerow and scrambled over an old wire fence. Brambles and thorns grabbed at her legs and hoodie, trying to pull her back but she managed to drag herself over and plodded her way around the edge of the field of tall barley or something similar that was waiting to be cut down. The ground felt a little damp still from yesterday's rain but it wasn't too muddy. She kept to the side of the hedge and followed the dark leafy border round to the left. In front of her, the field rose slightly and widened in a large pool of blackness. It was when she got about halfway across that Millie began listening to the nocturnal sounds of the countryside all around her. Leaves whispered in the breeze, bats chittered to each other in the night and somewhere behind her twigs quietly snapped as something crept beneath the tangled hedgerow. Normally she wouldn't have paid it any attention to it but this time it made her pause.
When the sun goes down, the New forest awakens.
It was only then that it became apparent to Millie how absolute the darkness had become. The night felt dense as if a black fog had descended over the land and if she reached out she could probably touch it. The moon had gone behind a cloud again cutting off what little light she had remained. It was too dark and, somehow too still out here. It was as if something was watching and waiting, just out of sight but ready to pounce. If she hadn't been so stupid she could have got a bus and she'd be home by now. She pulled her sleeves over her hands again and absentmindedly began chewing on the end of her sleeve. She hadn't done this for years, not since she was a kid and had scared herself watching Daryl's horror films. She tried not to think about those films, with all the blood and gore and screaming. Millie quickened her pace through the field, taking care not to trip. Behind her, the crackle of twigs had stopped but it had been replaced by a new sound that was just as unwelcome to her ears. It was a swishing sound like a continuous rustle of something moving swiftly through the barley behind her. It lasted a few moments and when it stopped she felt nervous relief. It was just the wind but she was still getting jumpy. It got worse a few seconds later when the rustling sound came again, closer this time, sending a stupid chill right through her. She was tired and thinking about Daryl’s films and Granny Judith’s stupid stories about ghosts and wild animals, she’d given herself the creeps. It was silly and immature to feel like this. It was just the wind making those noises. But, she considered, it wouldn’t do any harm to check, just to reassure herself and prove she was only being childish. Millie stopped and slowly turned around. For a moment she thought she saw something a few feet away. It looked like a black shadow moving against the even blacker scenery of the field and surrounding hedgerow. It was a trick of the light; it had to be. Her tired eyes making her see things that weren't there. But then again, what if it wasn't? All sounds had stopped now and the night had become quiet, deathly quiet. The silence roared in her ears and she felt fear rising up, squeezing her throat. This sudden silence was eerier than anything else and after a brief moment's pause, Millie bolted. She ran for the end of the field. She charged off, telling herself again that there was nothing behind her but she was in a full panicked run now and no amount of reassurance would change that. She ran harder and didn't stop running until she finally reached Granny Judith's front door, tired, exhausted and out of breath.
The old woman took the cigarette in her mouth and started on her as soon as she got through the door. “[Cough]. Where have you been,” she demanded, placing the fag in the over-flowing ashtray on the table. “I’ve been a worried sick! Janet [cough] came all this way to see you and you didn’t even have the curtsey to be here [cough]. That’s not how people should behave, Amelia.”
Millie bristled at the use of her formal name and any fear that had been lingering in her mind was immediately forgotten. She hadn’t been expecting this and her mind whirled for a moment. She picked up a copy of Horse and Hound lying on the table and hugged it to her chest. “I got lost on the way back,” she objected. “I lost track of time otherwise I would have phoned up, wouldn’t I.”
"[Cough]. You know that's not going to wash with me, young lady. [Cough]." Millie shook her head. She didn't have time for this now; it was all too much. If Cole had turned up she wouldn't have been in this situation. Why was Granny Judith having a go at her? She was the victim; she was hurting. She had been stood-up by her boyfriend and once again no one ever noticed her pain. It just wasn't fair; no one understood her or what she was going through. Inside she felt her yin and yang of self-pity and anger spiral through her core and she didn't know whether to laugh or shout or cry or scream her frustration. Granny Judith was still talking but Millie only realised this when she heard the words "…so you're not going out again this week. You will stay here and think about what [cough] responsibilities mean. Is that clear Amelia?"
Millie shook her head in angry defiance.
“What’s more, you didn’t even close the door properly when you left either. I didn’t notice it until it was late and anything could have got into the house. How many times do I need to remind you? [Cough]”
Millie heard her own voice rising in response. Granny Judith's coughing increased so nearly every word was punctuated with a nasty phlegmy retch. But still, she didn't relent on her punishment. She said there was no way Millie would go out tomorrow night or any other night that week. In the end, Millie threw the crumpled Horse and Hound magazine to the floor and yelled: "You don't understand anything!" She ran out of the room and surged upstairs, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her.
It wouldn't be long before Granny Judith picked up the phone to call Janet and tell her she couldn't cope with Millie and she had to go. She hadn't even wanted her there in the first place and now she'd had enough of her. No one wanted Millie. Not Granny Judith, not Mum and not Cole. Millie sat on her bed and stared at the fat ugly girl in an oversized hoodie looking back at her from the mirror behind the door. It was no wonder no one wanted her; why would they? She dug her nails into the palms of her hand and squeezed, pressing them into her flesh. Sometimes the pain helped but this time she couldn’t be bothered with it and let go. She felt tired, too tired to do anything except curl up in bed. She looked at her phone one last time clinging onto the faint hope of a message but there was still nothing. This confirmed what she knew and she threw the phone onto the floor. It bounced away with a dull thud. She didn’t see where it landed because her face was buried in her pillow hiding the racking sobbing that had suddenly overwhelmed her.
It was gone midnight when Millie’s phone beeped. She dragged herself out of bed to retrieve the glowing device from the corner of the bedroom next to the old chest of draws. Cole had replied to her at last! She was unsure whether she should open the message at first. What if it was bad news? What if he was finishing with her? If that was the case then she didn’t want to know. But then again, how could she sleep without knowing what he wanted? While she debated with herself her thumbs took it upon themselves to act. They selected the message and opened the text. As she read it a smile quickly blossomed across her lips. It was a warm, loving smile and she knew she was suddenly grinning like an idiot but she didn’t care. Her earlier anger was washed away in a beautiful wave of relief. Love, glorious love washed through her entire body because Cole still liked her.
Yes!
It turned out that he’d totally forgotten about meeting up that afternoon and he’d arranged to go out with his mates instead. Millie paused, reread the message and then stared at the screen for several seconds. He’d forgotten about her. She pondered this for a moment longer as her demons sensed weakness again. He’d just forgotten that’s all. It was nothing to do with her looks, she told herself. Everyone makes mistakes. She quickly text him back asking if they could meet up again soon. A few seconds later Cole’s reply came back to say he could meet her up at Bolderwood tomorrow night. She sent him a long message about how she was looking forward to seeing him again and what a great time they’d have. When he didn’t reply she lovingly placed the phone under her pillow, still grinning like a mad thing as she lay back down and pulled the covers up over her head.
Granny Judith opened Millie’s curtains flooding her room with bright sunshine. Millie didn’t know what time it was but it felt early. Her grandmother told her that Janet was waiting downstairs and she had to get up and dressed quickly. Millie sighed and did as she was asked, still riding the high from last night.
Janet was sat in the kitchen drinking coffee at the table from one of the less-chipped white mugs. She smiled when she saw Millie.
“Apologies, I’m running a little late again this morning” Janet began in her familiar breezy tone as she combed her wavy blonde-grey hair behind her ear.
“I was sorry to have missed you yesterday Millie, but you’re here now. Okay, so I had a chat with your grandmother Millie and she was telling me how you’re getting on but I’d be interested to hear how things are going from your point of view?” Janet interlaced her fingers around her coffee cup as she rested it on the table and looked at Millie with her kind, expectant expression. Millie looked at the various multi-coloured wristbands adorning her arms displaying slogans such as Stop Domestic Violence, Beat Bullying, and Greenpeace. Janet was into her charities and she could easily afford it. Millie had always thought Janet was very posh and middle-class. So middle-class, that she was probably the kind of person who carried a bottle of wine and a cheeseboard in the back of her car. Millie smiled to herself at the silly observation. Cole would like that one.
No doubt Granny Judith had already told her about their fight last night but she didn’t want to dwell on that. It wasn’t important anymore and she didn’t want anything to spoil her mood today.
"It's all right I suppose," Millie said.
Janet asked various questions about how she was getting on with Granny Judith and how she was finding life out here in the New Forest compared to the busy scene in Southampton. Millie soon lost interest and at last Janet got the hint that Millie was bored and she got to the point of her visit.
“I’ve not been able to get hold of your mother, Millie. I’ve tried phoning and left lots of messages but she’s not picking up. I went round to see her yesterday and the house was all shut up. Did…” she lowered her voice in the way did when they were delivering her bad news. “… Did she mention anything to you about going away?” Janet didn’t have to worry about Millie’s feelings. Mum had taken off without warning before, usually to avoid people who were after her. Janet seemed to think Millie should be worried about this.
“No, I’ve not spoken to her and I don’t want to. I really don’t care where she is or what she’s doing. She’s never bothered about me so why should I give a crap about her?”
Millie felt Granny Judith bristle. She coughed again and shifted uncomfortably in her seat next to Millie but said nothing. She’s worried she’ll never get rid of me now Mum’s done a runner, Millie decided angrily.
Janet didn't say anything for a few moments and the awkward silence continued until she said at last "All right. I'll keep trying to contact her."
“Do whatever you like. She doesn’t give a toss about anyone but herself.”
“Millie, I am a little worried about you. You’ve not seemed yourself recently but I’m seeing one of my colleagues later on today. He works as a therapist and he’s really good to talk to when there’s something on your mind. How would you feel if I told him a little about you?”
Millie shrugged.
“Okay, thank you.” She paused to write something in her tatty black diary that was lying on the table next to her coffee cup. Janet then reached into her bag and produced some papers. “I also found these for you.” She said, handing them over to Millie.
“Remember last time we talked about the importance of attending school and what you wanted to do in the future? You said you wanted to work in radio and I’ve got an application form about volunteering at Forest FM, the local station. Millie suppressed a smile that wanted to burst onto her lips. This was more like it, but she couldn’t allow herself to feel hopeful about the news because if she did, something would no doubt go wrong with it.
“Thanks” she muttered avoiding Janet’s warm but firm gaze by looking at the application form.
“We also agreed you’d go into school a couple of days a week. Remember? I’ve written up the agreement we made and in order for the Forest FM placement to work you need to go into school for two hours on a Tuesday and a Thursday. It’s really important to uphold your end of the deal, Millie.”
"All right. Whatever," Millie mumbled unable to take her eyes off the Forest FM logo before her.
They talked for a while longer about this and that. Granny Judith offered Janet something to eat at lunchtime but the social worker declined, saying she had another appointment she had to get to.
After Janet had left Millie made herself a small salad for lunch. She wasn't hungry but it kept Granny Judith off her back. She spent the rest of the day in her room listening to music and texting Cole. He was probably too busy at work to reply to any of her messages this afternoon. He was often busy, she reminded herself. Still, after standing her up for the last two days in a row he could at least take some time to respond to her?
As the early evening shadows stretched across the neglected garden Millie took off her headphones and listened out for Granny Judith cooking tea downstairs in the kitchen. Eventually, Millie heard the sound of rushing water and clattering of pans, which told Millie that her grandmother was busy preparing the evening meal. She pulled her hoodie on and quietly slipped downstairs. Her first attempt to leave the house was thwarted because Granny Judith had locked the front door and taken the key out to prevent her from leaving the house. This wouldn't slow her down though. Instead, she sneaked into the lounge, opened the thin paint-chipped window and clambered out into the cold night air. She pushed the window shut behind her. It didn't close all the way and she heard it creak back open a few inches. Never mind. Granny Judith might hear her if she tried to close it properly so she left it open ajar.
Bolderwood wasn’t that far to walk to so she made her way down the lanes and through the fields, once again guided by the large harvest moon overhead. Thoughts of the previous night’s incident were far from her mind now. She had just been tired and had spooked herself, but it wouldn’t happen tonight because she’d have Cole at her side to protect her.
The car park was deserted when she finally rounded the bend and crossed the road into the field that ran next to the gravel parking area. She wandered down to where the wide cattle grid divided the road. Walking around it she made her way across the tarmac and down through the trees towards the viewing gallery. It was a good place to meet because it gave them lots of privacy at this time of night.
Cole wasn’t there yet but he wouldn’t stand her up for a third night, especially when she was alone and it was so dark everywhere. A breeze picked up and Millie felt the cold biting her skin. She should have brought a jacket with her. Never-mind, when Cole came, they could go and sit in his car to warm up, because he would come tonight!
Millie leaned over the wooden rail to see if the deer came closer to the fence at night when there were no people around. They didn’t. She could understand them not wanting to be around people. She couldn’t see any of deer in the wide field tonight. It was too dark to see anything beyond the fence but she could sense them out there, observing her. Or at least something was out there in the field, watching quietly. Bolderwood, Millie quietly realised, looked very different in the evening. It was much more isolated.
Where was Cole?
The night pressed in around her and it was dark and still. This may not have been such a great place to meet him after all. Millie decided she didn’t like it here any more. The wind blew again and she could hear the long grass in the field swishing in the breeze. The sound was steady and rhythmic as if the nearby trees were breathing heavily. Millie shivered as she felt the temperature suddenly drop. All around her the night air seemed to change. Something was wrong. The voice in her head, the one that taunted her and teased her was now serious. It was telling her something wasn’t right. Her demons were scared and that worried her. Millie looked over her shoulder back the way she’d come but couldn’t see anything beyond the nearby trees.
She should leave.
The rustling of the leaves in the trees was telling her to go. Suddenly all the nocturnal sounds of the forest were telling her to leave. A stab of adrenaline punctured her heart as some primal instinct warned her of imminent yet unseen danger. She knew now more than ever that something was wrong. Someone was watching her, stalking her through the darkness. Then the wind abruptly stopped as if the trees now held their breath. An eerie silence now surrounded her and the fragile tension wrapped around the lonely viewing gallery. Millie stretched her sleeves over her hands as she turned around in a cautious circle. She should run. But there was nothing to run from in the thick darkness. There was no one else here. And in a way that was worse. That meant whatever was out there, it was hiding, getting ready to leap out at her.
Damn it, Cole. Help me!
But Cole wasn't coming, she conceded. He was laughing at her with his mates. She should have known it was all a game to him. She should never have trusted him and it was a mistake to have come out here alone. Something moved behind her. A dried twig snapped and she spun around. The bushes to the side of the viewing gallery rustled again and in the dim moonlight, two white diamonds glittered in the dark, just a couple of feet from the ground. She quickly realised it was the reflection of the moon on a pair of eyes, eyes that were watching her intently. A high-pitched whimper, that Millie hardly recognised as her own, escaped her throat as slowly, cautiously, the beast stepped out of the foliage and onto the path directly in front of her. Millie stumbled backwards to the edge of the viewing gallery. The wooden barrier pressed into her lower back. She needed to bend down and duck underneath it but she couldn't move. It slowly approached her, head down, revealing more of its sly features. Two furry ears pointed upward and alert over an arrow of dark amber fur while beneath its black glistening nose the underside of its jaw, neck and chest were a dirty white, lending it the appearance of a fox. But that was where the similarity ended. It was much bigger than a fox and its features weren't altogether bestial. The fox-like creature gracefully stood upright on what Millie had assumed were its hind legs. Run-The-Hunt sniffed the air loudly before its eyes, brooding and pensive, fixed her in the gloom. She was paralysed in that threatening stare, unable to look away from the feral beast before her. You’re trespassing in my world his silent expression seemed to say. Now you’re mine.
They stared at each other and the world around them began to melt away. Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes and then hours in that quiet tense moment. Millie briefly thought of screaming for help but her voice failed her as she watched his jaws silently yawn open. She was alone and at the mercy of those long and jagged teeth. They looked as sharp as knives where they shone in the moonlight. Millie became aware that while she'd been staring, Run-The-Hunt had silently moved closer. He was now standing directly in front of her. Up close he looked more human than bestial that observation gave Millie no comfort. She could see markings like tattoos ripple over the steel cables of his muscular forearms. She watched, powerless, as he took hold of her in his strong arms. He placed one hand (or paw?) at the base of her spine while the other found the back of her neck. He made no sound and although his grip was gentle, Millie had no doubt he could snap her neck in a second if he chose to. In the final moments, before the darkness rushed up and swallowed her, Millie thought about Cole and her Mum and Daryl. They're all going to be sorry when they find me, she reflected bitterly. I hope they suffer from all the sadness and guilt because they deserve it. It's all their fault…
A few days later the sun rose slowly through a hazy autumn sky. The early morning scents of the New Forest rose to meet the new dawn. Tall towering bracken swayed gently all around Millie as she peered through the forest of green and brown leaves. She had been awake for hours but had just become aware of someone on the hillside opposite the spot where she lay. It was Granny Judith out walking alone on the common. Millie watched her and wondered for a moment, whether her grandmother was out looking for her? She’d not seen Granny Judith for a while and she thought about going over to her and telling her what had happened. But after a brief hesitation, she decided against it. Granny Judith would never understand.
Just then something flashed past Millie. Laughing she whirled about and gave chase, crashing through the undergrowth, racing after her new companion. Her old life was forgotten and she felt like a child again. The New Forest was her playground and she was as wild and free as the wind blowing over the Hampshire countryside.